I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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