brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
