so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
