Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
