You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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