I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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