Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
