I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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