i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
