U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
