I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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