I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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