when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
