you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
