"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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