allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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