that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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