His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
