Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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