yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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