Only a mothe r could love this liver
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
