So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you win again, gameday.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
