I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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