Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
