Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
