i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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