Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
