Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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