i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
