Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
There's even glitter on my cock...
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