Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
