I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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