Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
