I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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