she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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