Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
