And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
