Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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