Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
