His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
