Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
