he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
