Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize