we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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