You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
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