I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
In America we eat man semen.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
