dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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