no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
