I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
