I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
