Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize