My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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