We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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