I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
