Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
