Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
