I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize