his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
