Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
