I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
